~Forgotten Wings~

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28 February-- Ah, a day of profoundly mediocre productivity. I did a couple of hours of work-study, though not as much as I should've; spent maybe 45 minutes on Spanish, not as much as I should've started work on internship applications, but didn't get as much done as I should've; did some reading and thinking about my history paper, but not as much as I should've... noticing a pattern here?

I did, however, indulge in a bit of yummy goodness that tasted like a peppermint patty and, as Malavika put it, "makes you feel all warm inside." Peppermint schnapps and chocolate milk? Excellent. Although I didn't have the same response to it as a very sleep-deprived Malavika, who collapsed near-unconscious onto Matt and then onto my floor. It was all good, though, because it was highly amusing, and she was revived eventually.

I have officially scheduled a pickup of my laptop on Monday evening. While Alex thinks that I will tell Airborne Express "No! You can't take it!" when they show up, it's likely that I will indeed let Dell do the evaluation of my screen that I've been talking about for months. God, I hope they fix it. Cross your fingers for me.


27 February-- I haven't been in the best spirits all around recently, but this evening I managed to be tremendously cheery and upbeat as I blasted my music and bounced around cleaning my room. It was really great fun, and I accomplished a lot, although it's hard to tell that by glancing at my room.

I need to do so much this weekend. It's rather frightening, all the more so because I can't honestly see myself doing more than half of what I actually should. I really need to make one big long list, mark down what needs to be done by when, and then refuse to go to bed until I've done what should be done each day. Like that's going to happen.


26 February-- I have a working computer! I am lying on my bed, updating my site on my laptop through Dreamweaver! Okay, the arrival of my AC adapter doesn't stop Topcities from being idiots, but it helps with everything else, including allowing me to move my site in full to Tripod, even if I can't get any sort of redirect up at Topcities. I also got the website for The Protest up today. Yay for extensive acts of webmastery...

And now that my laptop is operational, I really should send it away, so Dell can decide if they're going to fix it for me. If I send it, I should do it pronto, before I'm going to need it for my papers. I doubt they will fix it , and I'm afraid that the shipment and evaluation process will aggravate the screen problems so much that I won't be able to use it when I get it back. But, y'know, screw it. If there's a chance this POS computer can be a little less crappy, I've got to go for it.

Of course, that means that I really should put in hours and hours of work-study tomorrow, which has been ridiculously neglected this quarter, between my busyness and my computer difficulties. Let's go out on a limb and aim to somehow spend 5 hours doing work-study tomorrow, before I schedule a pickup for my computer for Friday. Yeah, that's a plan.


25 February-- Bleh. So much I was supposed to get done tonight... not a heck of a lot actually done. Well, I did browse through 3 of the 5 books I got out of the library today on Scandinavian welfare programs. (I really shouldn't start on this paper until after I get farther on my history paper, but since I need my poli sci prof to write a recommendation for me very soon, I need to be ready to go to his office hours and sound intelligent and enthusiastic.) I also wrote myself a resume essentially completely from scratch, since the most recent one I could find was from spring 2001, and I used maybe a sentence from that. These were both, indeed, things that needed to be done. But so, so much more could have been accomplished. Crunchtime is rapidly approaching, and it isn't going to be pretty. And I'm afraid it's Peace Project stuff that's going to fall by the wayside...

(Oh, and I also called Dell. They told me that they got around to finally shipping my AC adapter yesterday-- thanks, guys. They also said that all the crashing isn't their fault and I should blame Microsoft, and that I'll have to send in my laptop if I want them to decide if the warranty will cover fixing the screen, and that if the warranty doesn't cover it, it'll cost $430-- like there's any way in hell I'm putting that much money into that piece of crap. Grrr.)


24 February-- So it turns out that Osco Liquor will indeed accept my New Jersey driver's license as proof that I'm 21, and I have the bottle of peppermint schnapps to prove it. I didn't even intend to go there today, but it was freezing cold, and as I made my way back from volunteering this afternoon I knew I'd have to stop somewhere to thaw out briefly before making it back to PARC. I was thinking I'd go into Osco, when suddenly I passed Osco Liquor and thought "Aha!" I browsed around a bit as feeling started to make its way back into my fingers and toes, noting the disappointingly high price of Bailey's, as well as tons of different sorts of individual-sized fruity "flavored malt beverages." (Which of course make me go "Ooooh!") Eventually I grabbed a bottle of good old peppermint schnapps, for what seems like a very good price for the size (even with the Evanston liquor tax, which I'll blame on Frances Willard just because I want to), and purchased it with no ado whatsoever.

I am at the point in the quarter where I start panicking about how much has to be done by the end, without actually bearing down and doing much of said work yet. This is going to suck later, I guarantee you. So many reasons I wish time would just stop where it is for a good long while...


23 February-- PARC elections have come and gone, and in a few short weeks, my stint on exec board will finally be over. Speaking of things that are over, we had our playoff game for floor hockey today. It was pretty rough. The Evans Scholars-- and whatever sorority they were teaming with-- seriously outplayed us. And because we were in the co-rec division in the playoffs despite playing in the white league for the regular season, for the first time we had to have 3 girls on the floor at all times. This resulted in the four of us girls being pretty tired, while about 5 guys were on the sidelines at all times. It felt so different from how well we played during the regular season. Ah, well. There's always next year. And soccer.

In other news, my needy desire to be the most important person in someone else's life, which I was sure was finally dead and buried, has apparently risen from the grave. Persistant bugger, eh? I will now try to hit it over the head with a shovel repeatedly, and hopefully it will go away, maybe for good this time.


22 February-- I don't go into Chicago enough. We went in today; it was very cool. It was also very cold, and the wind literally made me lose my footing a couple of times, but it was all good. We (meaning me, Alex, my friend Allison who drove in from Purdue, and her friend Jose) wandered aimlessly, as I pretended I knew where I was going, and we looked at lots of Chicago buildings that I'd never seen before (like, oh, the Sears Tower). Then we watched the fireworks over the river (part of Chicago's devious tourism scheme to convince unwitting folks to come to Chicago in the winter months when they really ought to be somewhere warmer!) which were nice, and walked down Michigan Avenue for a while before heading home. Chicago is so close to NU, and it's really pretty sad that I don't take advantage of that more often.

Tomorrow I am going to let someone down. This sucks. Either I will let Katie down, who I told I'd help fundraise for at the Blackhawks game tomorrow, or the girls on the floor hockey team, who I ought to save from physical misery by coming to the playoff game tomorrow so I can sub in for them. We didn't get assigned our playoff time until after I told Katie I'd go, and I'd forgotten that Sunday was one of the options. So, the battle of the hockey games is on. Who will I disappoint? Tune in tomorrow to find out. But either way, I'll feel guilty! I fail...


21 February-- This whole "adopting Alex's room as my own" thing doesn't work too well with the daily-updates strategy, considering it's not very polite to be typing an entry while Alex is trying to fall asleep. And besides, I don't know how many people are even reading this anyway, thanks to the hellacious technical difficulties that make me want to cry. (Let me know if you've made it here, will you?)

Making hard decisions sucks. Do you go for the sure thing, or try for something better but risk losing them both? Man, I'll be happy when all this housing stuff is over...

Frustrating Thought of the Day: I need writing samples for internship applications. My computer recently crashed and I lost all my previously written papers. I have no short essay assignments this quarter, just poems and two 10+ page papers. The applications are due March 15. Very, very not cool.


19 February-- I have suddenly realized that I have quite a busy weekend ahead of me. Leaving aside the small matter of actual schoolwork, this weekend I'm seeing Bowling for Columbine, participating in Quiz Bowl, helping Katie's hockey team sell tickets at a Blackhaws game, and helping run a PARC election. And Alex wants to "do something fun", preferably in Chicago, this weekend. On top of that, I'm probably also going to dinner with Matt, a friend of mine might be visiting from Purdue, and I had hoped to go to one of Katie's hockey games, although for the life of me I can't figure out how to fit it into my schedule. How did that happen to me? My weekends usually involve sitting in bed reading without getting out of my pajamas!

In other news... well, there isn't really any interesting other news. I got another 100-150 pages of my Ireland reading done, commented on some pretty lousy poems by my classmates but was too kind for Colleen's liking, sent out a dozen e-mails to profs about our latest NSAS endeavor as well as some other assorted e-mails that needed to be sent out, and was tortured by the devilry of a series like the West Wing which makes you, if you tune in once, have to watch again the next week. Oh, and I missed my extra-credit visit to the Northwestern observatory for my astronomy class, which would've been helpful, since while I seem to do swimmingly on quizzes while attending class only occasionally, tests are a different story, and quizzes are only 25% of my grade.

Alright, time to head towards bed. I've gotten a lot of the nagging to-do items off my list, but there seems to be no shortage of things left to do, unfortunately. Funny how that works.


18 February-- Grrrr... damn technology.

Topcities apparently believes that my account does not exist. Funny, you'd think that while using it for the last 6 months I'd've picked up on something like the nonexistence of my account. Perhaps they've just deleted it for some reason. In any event, the site seems to be functioning normally at its usual location, http://brittgm.topcities.com. But as I can't log in to edit it, I decided to move over to Tripod temporarily, and possibly permanently if the Topcities people don't respond to my questions after a couple more days. Not worth the hassle.

However, since my AC adapter has not come back from the dead, I'm not using my laptop until the new one arrives (tomorrow or Thursday, hopefully). Which means that instead of using Dreamweaver to take all my files from Topcities and transport them here, I've instead just copied the index page and this Thoughts of the Day page to Tripod, and the rest of the links should just take people back to the Topcities pages.

Well, I'm sure that was phenomenally interesting to y'all. In fact, many notable things have happened in the last couple days that I could talk about. (My string of daily entries which had been going so long, admittedly with minor fudging in a couple places, is dead. Ah, well. It's not my fault, it's Technology, dammit.) But I think I'd rather be hideously boring, for today, anyway.


15 February-- We visited another potential apartment today, and I liked it a lot. Granted, I really want to get a lease signed and taken care of, and the fact that it's a house and is cute pleased me in a wholly irrational way. But it has lots of perks, and I think I would really enjoy living in those surroundings. The downside, of course, is that it's the farthest-away place we've visited yet, which would produce its share of hassles. It's kind of amusing that lazy me-- who told Alex in October that I wouldn't live anywhere farther than 5 minutes from PARC-- is pushing this place and its 15 minute daily walks. I keep telling myself, "You know how many hours you spend inside your residence every day? So don't even think about the mere minutes that would be involved in walking, those are tiny in comparison. Find the best damn living space you can." Besides, I would like this place on my own anyway, but I can tell that Alex really likes it, so I'm pretty much sold. The boy is going to be so stressed out next year anyway, I want him to be able to live in a place he's happy with. I hope it will end up that way.

It's really kind of sad the way I've completely appropriated Alex's room and turned it into my own. I would guess that I spent a half-hour today in my room, and at least 8 hours in his. I mean, it makes perfect sense, since he left around 2 and has not been back since, while I've of course spent hours at PARC, using his computer for vitally important things like this game. I did manage to be pretty productive this afternoon, getting all my required reading done, although the rough draft of my sonnet for Tuesday is really boring and lame, and I really didn't get as much reading done as I'd like in the Ireland book for my paper. Ah, well. There's still tomorrow.


14 February-- I see no reason to rehash the Valentine's Day-ness, since it's all right here.

The evening did finish in a rather fun way, something that was very welcome this evening (especially since I was wobbling on the border of being rather sad earlier). I probably shouldn't go into the details, but it involved Guy's office at 2 AM, Guy, Scott, Colleen, and a wobbly table. It was a quality experience.


13 February-- Coney might be pitching again this year!!! If you don't know, Coney is David Cone, otherwise known as my favorite baseball player ever, who didn't play last year and basically seemed like he was retired, although he never made a formal announcement. But it turns out he's just signed a minor-league contract with the Mets and will compete in Spring Training to be their 5th starter. This is wonderful not only because it means I may get to see him pitch again (which is reason enough to be happy), but also because if he can manage just 7 more wins, he'll hit 200. And despite what some people may say, if he gets 200 wins, I think he's got a shot at the Hall of Fame, which would be really special.

In other news, the most bizarre thing has happened. I've been trying for a couple weeks now to get the Allison mailroom to give me the package they said they had which had been returned to me, which I knew had to be one of the ones I mailed to a customer on half.com. But when I finally got it back and went online to try to notify the customer that their book had been returned to me, I realized that this person had left me feedback that said, "Great transaction, quick delivery." I am not quite sure what to make of that, considering that I have the book she ordered (and paid for!) sitting in my room. Do I contact her? Do I wait and see if she contacts me? Do I try to sell the book (which is going for $25, after all!) and get paid for it a second time? So weird.


12 February-- Have I ever mentioned that I hate my computer? Well, I do. The current problem is that the AC adapter is dead. Thus, after draining my battery, I can no longer use my computer. Or, as Scotty would say, "I can't do it, Cap'n! I don't have the power!"

Yeah. So I've temporarily adopted Alex's room as my own, which works out well, considering he's usually away from PARC and not using his computer, and I'm usually in PARC and wanting to use a computer. The main drawback is the loud video game-playing people in his suite. But since I'm usually procrastinating instead of trying to actually accomplish work, it seems to be okay thus far.

Anyhow, I should probably call Dell and make them fix it for me. And maybe my whole computer, while they're at it, although that doesn't seem likely. In the meantime, I can borrow Laura's AC adapter (anyone know other people with Dell laptops?) if I really need to be on my own computer for a little while. But, dude, it's frustrating. Someday, somehow, I will have a computer that does not cause me stress.


11 February-- Damn it all, stupid computer. I'll explain all the problems later. But it sucks, and I will not be updating temporarily.
9 February-- Somehow I never, ever manage to get anything done on a Sunday afternoon, after I wake up, until after we've eaten. And since it often takes hours to get around to heading to Norris, and usually we spend an inordinate amount of time there, I end up in situations like today where I get back to PARC at 5:30 to finally start work for the day, a couple hours before meetings start.

I did get around to writing this, as well as finally putting in a couple hours on the Ireland book I'll be writing my Modern Europe paper about. So, not a completely wasted day. But I still could do with another couple days of weekend. Monday comes so fast....


8 February-- Back when I was a freshman, no work ever seemed to get done on Saturday, and it wasn't until Sunday that I would settle down to actually be productive. While that scenario hasn't disappeared, it seems that nowadays I often accomplish a decent amount with my Saturdays. Am I developing some degree of maturity and responsibility, however minor? Regardless, the fact is that at the end of the night, I've gotten everything done that has to be done for the week.

Of course, that doesn't take into account the two midterms plus a quiz coming up this week, nor the two major papers due at the end of the quarter which are going to require a good deal of extra reading. I can thank VH1's "I Love the 80's" specials-- we spent 2 1/2 hours watching 1986, 1987, and 1988-- for my negligence on those fronts. (Although somehow, I'm not entirely confident much more would have been accomplished without that distraction-- there are always distractions to be found somewhere.)

Well, hopefully progress will made on these things tomorrow. One can always hope.


7 February-- One thing I've learned in life is that although you may be unhappy at times, there's always someone worse off than you (and it's usually Alex) to put your problems in perspective. Sure, I have this nagging sense of failure and frustration when yet another potential apartment falls through. But it's of course nothing compared to Alex's several boatloads of troubles, as usual. Poor guy.

So for a wide variety of reasons, I managed to put in all of a half-hour doing homework tonight. Go me! Sigh.


6 February-- Why oh why do I insist on spending hours looking at classes a good week-and-a-half before preregistration? Because I'm Britt, and this is what I do. I didn't figure out an awful lot, either, considering that taking Spanish, Reading and Writing Fiction, and CIA in the Third World are all sort of shoo-ins. I think I've decided I want to take Intro to Hinduism. So that leaves one more. Unfortunately, most of the good choices seem to conflict with CIA in the Third World, which is the class I've been waiting to take for three years, so I'm not exactly going to skip it. The best choices I'm left with seem to be Democratic Transitions (damn having no CTECs on the prof!), for my poli sci major; Iran in the 20th Century, for my history major; or USSR and Successor States, just for learning's sake. Assuming I take the first 4 classes I mentioned this quarter, I have 4 more requirements to fill, plus two credits for my thesis next year. So I don't have to take a fifth one, but that would require me to take a fourth class next year with my thesis if I wanted to take a non-required class. Not that that's the end of the world.

It's really, really weird to think about this being my last basically free and open quarter.


5 February-- Today was the most pleasant day I've had in a while. After an afternoon of classes, including a midterm which seemed to go well, I headed over to the spiffy Kellogg building for what they call a domain dinner, where they give us good food (mmm, salmon!) for free and encourage us to talk about Important Issues. Then, after coming home, I got to spend time with friends, and still managed to put in over two solid hours of productive work-study time.

It was nice enough that I was only temporarily frustrated and infuriated by the problems a certain person, who seems determined to make us unhappy so he can get some sort of satisfaction out of being successful, is trying to inflict on us. Sure, it's annoying as all hell, but it only bothered me when I was talking about it, and then it evaporated away instead of lingering to spoil my mood.

Hopefully this is a sign for the better, and I can somehow maintain higher spirits as I make my way through the stressful upcoming week...


4 February-- I don't understand why testing the alarm system in the library takes (at least) two full days, and why one of those days has to coincide with the day I have 4 1/2 hours of class in the library. Both of my classes ended up fleeing the flashing lights and the ever-repeating "There is a fire in the library. Please exit by the nearest staircase. Do not use the elevators." On top of that, I got a package slip of the not-so-good kind (didn't know that sort existed, 'till I started selling books on half.com), and the current returned book may have been waiting for me for more than a week, which is pretty bad. And the Peace Project fireside at PARC tonight did not go so well. These are not things to force me into uncontrollable weeping, but certainly not the cheeriest situation.

So as a response, I threw myself into procrastination, because there's something soothing about it. (You could say it's because the familiar tends to be soothing; I prefer to think that there's something satisfactorily rebellious about doing what you want to do instead of what you should do.) Instead of studying for tomorrow's midterm, first I went downstairs and ate mac 'n' cheese, and animal crackers with icing, with Matt as we watched TV. (What else would we do? I swear, I don't know if I'd ever watch TV here if it wasn't for that boy.) Then I came upstairs, ostensibly to study. Instead, I browsed around online and came up with ridiculous spring break ideas for Colleen to shoot down-- "Britt, are you sure you really want to take a Greyhound to Tucson by yourself and spend a week in a hostel there?"-- before realizing that my true calling for the evening was, in fact, planning out my 2004 trip to Europe, courtesy of Eurail passes. (Hear Britt, the dismissive anti-Eurocentrist, say, "Oooh! Eiffel Tower!")

I eventually got around to doing a little studying. But when I end up not doing as well in this class as I'd like to, remind me about tonight, and all the other nights like this.


3 February-- It's been one of those days. (Or, rather, another one of those days, since I seem to be having a number of them lately.) One where the posters keep falling off the wall and you spill soda all over yourself. One where you discover that for no apparent reason, your fridge has somehow become unplugged, leading to the untimely demise of a nearly full block of cheese, a large quantity of smoked salmon, eight eggs, and, oh, yeah, the ice cream which ends up dripping throughout the whole thing. One where you get an e-mail from your boss saying that the analyses you've mentioned to him are good and that you should get together to talk about all the other analyses that (theoretically but not actually) have been done, and another e-mail from your disappointed-sounding grandparents, who have just given you a very generous birthday present, saying that you don't write often enough. One where, despite having to catch up on those things plus the other dozen important things flitting around at the back of your mind, you do not do reading or study for your upcoming midterm, but instead stare out the window or pretend to buy yourself a new computer online or investigate Amtrak rail passes for an illogical spring break idea or look up next quarter's classes. One where your headache won't go away, and it's impossible to keep your room from being either too hot, or too cold from the winter air coming in through the window. One where you end the day overwhelmed by the list of things that you need to get done, thinking about the limited free time ahead and how many empty hours you've just wasted.

Yeah, one of those. Can it stop, now?


2 February-- I've had a weird weekend. Not all bad, but I don't think I'd have another one like it if I had the choice.

I actually set my alarm this morning, and headed over to Fisk a little after noon to work on the Protest. I came up with a few graphics, but mostly I was preparing to start putting the December issue on the web, which I of course started working on when I got back to PARC, instead of doing schoolwork. In fact, I wasted most of the afternoon away, until it was time to leave for dinner with a fellow at 6:30. After several hours at the Turkish restaraunt, which resulted in missing a constitutional committee meeting, which was expected, and an exec board meeting, which was not, Scott and Colleen and I begged a ride back early (!) to make it to our floor hockey game at 10.

Of course, when we made it up north for the floor hockey game, we discovered that our opponents, Chapin, had not shown up. So we had to forfeit, and between last week's cancellation and next week's bye, that'll mean we have a month inbetween our two regular season games. It's pretty disappointing, especially for me, since I think it's a fun and exciting game, and was really looking forward to practicing and learning more and improving. Which is pretty damn hard when you don't get to play.

So we came back, and I hung around with Scott and Colleen, and then seeing Scott's World Series DVD made me develop this, well, craving to watch my 1996 WS video. So, I did, and it was marvelous and made me feel nostalgic, but also sad, and lonely watching it all by myself, too. And now it's late, and I'm tired, and I haven't done much schoolwork at all, and the nerves and tension I've been feeling all weekend haven't gone away. I just feel all kinds of out-of-sorts.

But I suppose that babbling on about it won't do me any good. And getting some sleep at least has a chance to.


1 February-- I spent basically all of today in my room, in my pajamas, by myself. Yes, it sounds really lame, but it wasn't too bad. Okay, so the part up until about 9 PM kind of sucked, as I sat around waiting for a certain phone call from the landlords of a certain place, unwilling to leave my room for more than 30 seconds in case I missed it. But once I finally convinced myself that it was time to stop obsessing about that, it wasn't so bad. I did get tons of schoolwork accomplished, although not as much as I should've, considering the sheer amount of time I had. Of course, that might have something to do with the 7-8 hours in which I could only focus for a few minutes at a time before staring worriedly at the phone again... It's just hard, because there really don't seem to be any other good housing options right now, and I so badly want this to work out well. But I need to breathe and tell myself that we'll figure something out in the end.

 

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Last updated 3 March, 2003
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Intellectual Property Rights denounced by Britt Gordon-McKeon, 2002