~Forgotten Wings~

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14 February 2002


Okay, so I really cannot fairly be blamed for the lapse between entries. After starting this endeavor on Sunday, I had to work Monday night to get my paper done for Tuesday. Skip a day, no big deal, right? Of course, then my computer decided to be more evil than it typically is, and thus Tuesday, Wednesday, and even technically Thursday (as I type this at 12:35 AM Friday morning-- but I cheated on the date to make myself feel better) have passed without me having Internet access on my computer.

But luckily, Colleen is kind, and is letting me use her computer to write this. She's also handy to help with random webpage problems, as she actually knows what the hell she's doing. And at least we have compatible taste in music. (I am highly amused by the degree of obsession that my friends share over U2. Don't get me wrong, they're awesome, but some people just go a little far. You know who you are...)

So, let's see, what to write? I'm trying to find the proper spirit to start out in, somewhere between the deep heart-wrenching confessions that really don't belong on these pages, and dull ramblings that nobody gives a damn about.

Well, I suppose the recent occupier of my time has been the newly christened NOCC, Northwestern Open Campus Committee, and our Save the Lagoon/Campus Democracy campaign. Tomorrow I meet with some of the administrators for the first time ever (I was supposed to go with Mischa and Jenny a few weeks ago for NSAS, but it didn't happen), which I'm somewhat nervous and somewhat excited about. We did lots of talking about strategy and tactics at our meeting tonight, and we're working towards our rally on Tuesday. [It's at 4 at the Library Plaza. If you're within 100 miles of Evanston at the time, I expect to see you there, or I shall be highly unhappy.]

I've been putting a lot of energy into this. Yet in some ways, while it's totally genuine energy, it's emotionally half-hearted, for reasons I will expound upon in a later entry. I'm really suprised that I'm managing to do all this at the level of emotional energy I have right now. In some ways, it's kind of out of habit. I'm happy with myself for that, that I've gotten myself to a point where I can be active and involved out of habit instead of being apathetic out of habit. It's the good kind of inertia: a body in motion stays in motion...

But at some point, I know I have to come to terms with the underlying problem. I can't keep going to Peace Project meetings and Protest meetings and these NOCC meetings because I know that people are going to be expecting me there. I need to be feeling motivated to do these things, instead of doing them because I know I ought to be feeling motivated. I know I'll get that motivation back eventually, because I know myself as a person. I just need to work on it soon, because it's emotionally draining to do all of this without the powerful surge of feeling passionate about what I'm doing.

 

Last updated 27 December, 2002

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Intellectual Property Rights denounced by Britt Gordon-McKeon, 2002