~Forgotten Wings~

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19 February 2002


It's interesting what you learn when you lack Internet access for an extended period of time. I've learned that I can't stay in my room by myself without Instant Messenger on. This leads to me being more physically social, going to visit other people instead of just assuming that if anything interesting was going on, they'd IM me. But I'm constantly wondering where people are, without their away messages to check to see what they're doing and how they may be feeling. Plus, I keep thinking of things I want to put up in my away messages, only to realize that I don't have away messages to put them in. Well, I guess I'll just learn to appreciate it when I have it back.

After being excited that I finally have the credits to pre-register as a junior, with a fairly early time to prereg today, I looked at the computer screen at 12:45 and realized that I still have only vague ideas of what classes I want to take. I tried to prereg for classes that looked like they were filling, with the knowledge that I could drop them if I decided not to take them, because I really don't know what I actually want out of the next quarter.

The reason I'm so indecisive about my classes stems from two things: 1) there are no classes that look particularly phenomenal, that I think, "Oh, I have to take that," and 2) I have the incredibly frustrating habit of treating every class selection as a decision about what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. The reasoning goes something like this:

Okay, what classes do I want to take this quarter? This sounds interesting, and this...
Do any of those meet requirements for my majors? Or for majors I might want to declare?...
What majors might I want to declare? What majors am I interested in?...
Well, what would these majors qualify me to do after I graduate?...
What do I want to do after I graduate?...
What do I want to accomplish in my life?...
What's the meaning of my life? What am I living for?

I'm not kidding. It'd be a lot funnier if I was kidding. Instead, when I ask myself, "Would I rather take History of the Holocaust or Humanities 302: Philosophy, Race, and Empire?", I feel like I have to resolve the great questions of life and my purpose in it-- or at least my career choices, or at least the simple little question of my major(s), for goodness sakes!-- before I can pick between them. So you can see why I stare at CAESAR as I try to select courses and find myself in deep philosophical ponderings that are not at all useful.

This all becomes one step more absurd when I confront myself with the fact that whatever courses I take as an undergraduate will likely be virtually irrelevant to my post-Northwestern career. In other words, yes, I'm worrying about nothing. Nothing! So I really should just take the classes that look the most interesting to me, end of story.

I've discovered I'd be a much happier person if I actually took seriously the things I come up with when I think or write things out and try to be reasonable...

 

 

Last updated 27 December, 2002

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Intellectual Property Rights denounced by Britt Gordon-McKeon, 2002